Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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