she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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