I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
