she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's never too late to be topless.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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