she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
