My sheets look like a crime scene.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
