i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
