you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ttyl tear gas
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize