he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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