As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
