the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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