Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
