Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
