Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
