It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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