Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
