New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
