I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
