After last night, I could never be a politician.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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