grandma shit on top of the toilet
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
