Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
