I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
