he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
