Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
