I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize