mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize