the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
