Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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