Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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