I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
