I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
