I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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