Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
