its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
