You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
