I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
