Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
