i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize