Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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