Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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