"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
