I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize