Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
