I wish I could punch you in the face.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
why is half of my head shaved?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
