these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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