screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It all started with a game of naked twister.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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