I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize