hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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