My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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