not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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