I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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