Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
