how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
