Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
