I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
