I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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