Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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