i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i used baking grease as lip gloss
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
