I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
