so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
