why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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