What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want to be your penis for a week.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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