Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
