they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
