we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
