I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
