Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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