Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
