I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
