Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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