i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dignity is for republicans.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
