I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
