you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize